Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Sven. "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot."
"What's the bad news?", asks Ole "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena .."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is ObamaCare, she's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye."
Can you blieve this?
Harebrained PETA wants to ban,
then outlaw hunters from using dogs.
Just another step on their plan to
ban hunting all together.
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore. "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"
[Thanks Jeri Karr]
Accounting 101, as we remember it.
Would PETA ban training your dog to do this?
[Thanks Judy Wood]
[Thanks Jim Green]
* * * * *
Ever wonder why Mr. Obama picked
intellectully feeble Joe Biden?
to make himself look competent.
Lynched ... Legally, in Four Days
"Hell hath no fury" ... Sterling's girlfriend-from-hell leaked the tape of a private conversation. She gave the lynch mob the rope to hang him, with a noose of his own making.
"So, if we’re all going to be outraged, let’s be outraged that we weren’t more outraged when his racism was first evident.Let’s be outraged that private conversations between people in an intimate relationship are recorded and publicly played.Let’s be outraged that whoever did the betraying will probably get a book deal, a sitcom, trade recipes with Hoda and Kathie Lee, and soon appear on Celebrity Apprentice and Dancing with the Stars."~ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar"They should put Sterling in a cellwith O.J. Simpson;call it the Ripper and the Clipper."~ Dennis Miller
Much has been said about what Obama
should do to hurt the Russian economy.
The plan to destroy Russia is simple:
1) Ban their use of coal
2) Mandate that Russia goes on Obamacare
3) Don't allow any drilling on Russian public land
4) Have the EPA pass rulings on Russian business
5) Re-define the full time Russian work week to 30 hours
6) Raise the Russian minimum wage
7) Mandate overtime pay for government employees
8) Demand the Russian Government pay free Welfare benefits to un-qualified citizens and Illegal immigrants
This plan is proven and has been working in the U. S. since 2009.
[Thanks Jim Green]
'It wouldn't be Friday without the Follies.'