"When Senate Democrats confirmed Gen. David Petraeus as the new commander in Iraq, they threw him the keys to the car. Now, they won't give him the money for gas." ~ Col. Ralph Peters, New York Post.
Deere Tick Scam Alert
"If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. Sincerely, Your Nephew, Joe Ede, Twin Cities, MN."
Good old upstate New York; aren't you glad spring is here?
Cool birthday cake idea.
OH! The chicks I could have met if I'd had this cool car in 1954.
Mrs. Clinton's plan for Jan. 21st, 2009.
Why little boys are so much fun to raise.
[Thanks Bev McCusker]
The Subway Series presidential campaign begins and ends right here.
[Thanks Chuck Gardner]
Please note the radar gun hidden by balloons.
Suzuki concept car ... Place your order here.
Meerkat Alert: The only foursome I can beat on the golf course.
The reluctant bridegroom? "Better single than sorry."
"The best record cover I ever saw." ~ Elder music lover.
This blonde gets my vote ...
Diversify or die.
Write your own caption for this one.
Please take care of this little problem before closing time today.
"Why can't I leave early today, the golf courses are open."
[Thanks Judy Wood]
Just slightly ahead of its time?
Ahhh ... Springtime.
Yesterday, at St. Andrews in Cedar Rapids, we teed off in 55 degree sunshine. By the time we got to hole No. 18, a cold north wind had brought the temp down to 38 degrees. Stocking caps and turtlenecks came out of the bags.
With the strong tailwind, I hit a decent drive down the middle, only about 70 yards behind the fine 2-handicapper playing with me. No. 18 at St. Andrews has a deep ravine with creek in front the green, about as close as the one shown here at No. !5 at Augusta. However, for those who know St. Andrews, not as lovely as this.
The St. Andrews creek is normally bone-dry, however with all the snow and ice melt this week, it is a raging, brown swirl of ice-cold water, filling up the 25-yard wide, 15-foot deep ditch about half way.
I decided to go for the green, but my shot came off too low and was going right into the far side of the creek bank. I walked up to about five yards from the creek bank pushing my easy-rolling, Sun Mountain Speed Cart to check and see if my shot cleared the water. No way. In all that tail wind, I decided not to hit the pitching wedge high, but use a 8-iron to hit a low chip-type shot and run the ball back to the pin at the rear of the green.
The ground on the creek bank was soft, muddy, bare ground, so I took the option of walking backwards about ten yards to a grassy area. I dropped the ball and took my chipping stance, as I turned my head back to view the green ...
"OH MY GAWD!!!" The strong wind was blowing my cart right toward the creek bank ... It was going into the raging creek in about five seconds.
I have never moved so fast in all my life ... I dashed the 15 yards forward and thrust out my 8-iron to just catch the handle and stopped the cart, with all my clubs, as the front wheel was going over the edge.
I was so out of breath and relieved, I bent over in long laughter. Paul, the 2-handicapper, said that was the damnedest thing he'd ever seen on a golf course. Sure, I'd forgot to set the brake, nevertheless I told him that was a great example of choosing the right club.
If I'd have pulled out a sand-wedge, it would not have been long enough to catch the handle of the cart. All my clubs would be a mile downstream before I ever found the cart.
Later that evening, after I'd shared my fiasco with Beverly, I realized that my wallet, car keys and glasses were also in that bag . I'd have had to call the Fire Dept. to drag for my gear. When I added that detail to the story for Bev, she said "Bob, you almost gave new meaning to the phrase 'up shit creek.'"
I said, "Honey, you think that's bad ... Hell, I took a double bogey!"
Necessity is the Mother of Inovation
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" “Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens
[Thanks Dick Klein]
Cool new 2007 Renault Spyder ... Only around $26,000, so you don't have to be rich and famous like me. Just do it!
42,000 Federal Airport Security Employees are wanding the terrorists like this older gentleman. Somehow, it does not appear that he might be interested in meeting his 72 virgins after blowing up himself along with the folks. Unless his first, middle or last name may be Muhammed. One might think that our security troops would have noticed by now, that 95% of all the terrorists have some form of that name on their passports. Whatever.
Who Answers at Homeland Security?
Chhheeezzz Louse ... Now what do we do?
We call in the National Guard ... However, they have had some budget cuts.
[Thanks Chuck Gardner]
Potential First Women Presidents
[Thanks Chuck Gardner]
Lenin Gets Ready for March Madness
Beverly loosens up on spring break.
While attending Ronald Reagan's funeral, some of the folks nodded off. Just then, the old Gipper stuck his head out and said, "I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together again."
[Thanks Bob Richards]